No wonder I’m crazy!

I neglected to add  something to my diagnostic fail post to save for later.  It’s time…

When I described my relationship with my mother, I felt that I was very fair to both of us, explaining that our differences are due to different perspectives, and priorities.  The psychologist told me I shouldn’t let her off the hook, and it got me thinking.  Her behavior of late has pushed that thinking into hyperdrive.  She vacillates between showing caring concern and making threats.

I had planned to take my children, husband, and mother-in-law to a music festival in Kansas City in June for a family vacation.  When the festival was cancelled, we a scrambled around to make other plans, and decided to go to Austin City Limits instead.

I rarely tell my parents and siblings where I’m going or what I’m doing (which typically consists of working and sleeping).  My sister asked to take my kids to the pumpkin patch. I told her we were going on vacation.  She asked where, so I told her.  She asked if the kids were going, and I said yes.  Then everything went haywire.

My father called and said I have no business going and taking the kids, then threatened to get a lawyer to keep us from going.  He cited lack of reliable transportation and poor driving on my part.  I went into panic mode and told him I’d call back.  I discussed the situation with my husband and mother-in-law, then called back.  This time, my mom answered.  Her response 1. Rock concerts are just drug dens 2. No reliable transportation 3. Too expensive 4. Inappropriate.

My response: 1. What!?  Now, I’ll admit that I have struggled in the past with drugs.  At that time, I wanted to disappear, and the drugs didn’t work, so I tried different coping mechanisms, and no longer want to disappear.  (Can you imagine why I would feel that way?  Growing up, I was taught that every thought and feeling I had was wrong!). 2. My car does have a lot of miles on it, but I just took it to the mechanic & it’s in good mechanical shape.  Also, there would be two other adults to take shifts driving.  3. Yes and no.  I paid for room and admission when I had a little more money, before all my automotive woes, so no turning back.  4.  How?  My favorite band, my son’s favorite, and many other good’ns will be there.  Music has a healing power that they will never understand, and I pity them for it.

I welcome commentary.  Thoughts?

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5 thoughts on “No wonder I’m crazy!

  1. “I appreciate that you’re concerned, but I’m an adult. So are my husband and his mother. Adults support each other. If you have constructive ideas to support me in raising my kids other than criticising my choices, I’d be happy to listen to you. But because you only have objections instead of working with me on solutions, this conversation is now over.”

    I make the same mistake, by the way. I always end up defending myself, even though that’s always taken as a sign of guilt. And that only makes them press their point even harder.

    • Thank you. I told my parents and sister to stay out of my affairs until they are ready to accept who and what I am, and the fact that I’m not all about $. I’m done defending their choices and ready to make my own.

  2. Ah, family dysfunction.

    I reckon my situation’s different, but one thing I had to learn (and within the last 5 years) was to learn boundaries and personal assertiveness. I’ve had to learn that delicate balance between rights and dignity for myself and my own little family, and respecting the rights and dignity of my parents, siblings, and other family members, even in spite of themselves.

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