I have always had a great deal of difficulty understanding the need many humans feel to be insincere.  As a child I was rather guileless, often becoming wildly inappropriate verbally, simply because honesty seemed like the best policy.  Not only are we told to be honest.  It’s not logical to get caught in a web of lies.

When I realized I couldn’t really be honest with my family, I omitted…a lot.  When I got caught lying, I was terrible at trying to cover, and incurred the wrath, worse, the grudge.

At 34, I’m still trying to get a grasp on the why of lies.  For me, it’s simple.  I lie when I have used bad judgement, fear the consequences, and am caught.  In no way is it justified, but I have self-analyzed and understand my own motivations.

A childhood friend of mine was always creating wild tales, I suppose, just to make herself more interesting.

Most of my relationships in my younger days were with men who were after money and power- that was, to be supported financially by my meager income, and to play mind games.  That still baffles me.

In my career, it has been sycophants.  WTF!?  I’m trying really hard to get my mind around this mentality.  Mostly because I desire to empathize with and assist others, regardless of how I perceive their behavior.  I have found myself attempting to mediate a number of disputes at work recently.  Many of the squabbles involved one individual whose personality could be observed changing like a switch flipping when our supervisor showed up.  She seemed to be looking for trouble with a number of co-workers.  When I first met her, she barely acknowledged me, then just looked at me as if I had dropped in from outer space for the rest of the shift.  The next time, she spent 3/4 of the shift continuing to give me that look, then proceeded to Info dump her personal problems to me, which was infinitely better than the staring.  After having a few spats with other staff, she asked me, “Do I just come off as really bitchy?”  I responded “Sometimes, a little.”  What else could I say?  I realized then, that the behaviors were so ingrained, that she was oblivious to them.  I rememembered being unaware  of my own behaviors and their impact as a younger person.  They weren’t the same behaviors, but I did act a fool, then wonder why nobody wanted to deal with me.  I went on to reiterate the importance of the crisis cycle, and awareness of the status of oneself, and other’s around you.  Interrupting the crisis cycle early on greatly improves ability to communicate effectively, and prevents unecessary conflict.  I’ve understood this intellectually for many years, but only recently learned to put it into practice.

Sycophants and Shit Sticks

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4 thoughts on “Sycophants and Shit Sticks

  1. Usually when people ask me, “Do I just come off as really bitchy?”, my alarm bells start ringing because it’s one of those questions that you’re supposed to deny, like “Does my ass look fat in this?”. I still make it a point to answer honestly, though. Because I really can’t be bothered by people asking questions they don’t want to hear the answer to.

    (By the way, I get that infodumping of personal problems a lot too! I think it’s my relative lack of facial expression, so people don’t feel judged while they’re talking. That, or they think they’re talking to a computer).

    • Thanks for your comment. Those analyses do make sense. I hate those situations where you’re supposed to lie in response to questions! I think she asked because she understood that there was a disparity between how she perceived herself, and how others perceived her. I think she wanted to figure out what what was wrong. It seems she was in no state of mind to process the truth. I do have empathy for her and hope she gets the help she needs.

    • There was no venom in my response, and I quickly shifted focus to solutions. I’m not sure if my boss even heard about it (pretty mild compared to all the other drama!). Fortunately, she appreciates solution-oriented approaches.:)

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