I have always had a great deal of difficulty understanding the need many humans feel to be insincere. As a child I was rather guileless, often becoming wildly inappropriate verbally, simply because honesty seemed like the best policy. Not only are we told to be honest. It’s not logical to get caught in a web of lies.
When I realized I couldn’t really be honest with my family, I omitted…a lot. When I got caught lying, I was terrible at trying to cover, and incurred the wrath, worse, the grudge.
At 34, I’m still trying to get a grasp on the why of lies. For me, it’s simple. I lie when I have used bad judgement, fear the consequences, and am caught. In no way is it justified, but I have self-analyzed and understand my own motivations.
A childhood friend of mine was always creating wild tales, I suppose, just to make herself more interesting.
Most of my relationships in my younger days were with men who were after money and power- that was, to be supported financially by my meager income, and to play mind games. That still baffles me.
In my career, it has been sycophants. WTF!? I’m trying really hard to get my mind around this mentality. Mostly because I desire to empathize with and assist others, regardless of how I perceive their behavior. I have found myself attempting to mediate a number of disputes at work recently. Many of the squabbles involved one individual whose personality could be observed changing like a switch flipping when our supervisor showed up. She seemed to be looking for trouble with a number of co-workers. When I first met her, she barely acknowledged me, then just looked at me as if I had dropped in from outer space for the rest of the shift. The next time, she spent 3/4 of the shift continuing to give me that look, then proceeded to Info dump her personal problems to me, which was infinitely better than the staring. After having a few spats with other staff, she asked me, “Do I just come off as really bitchy?” I responded “Sometimes, a little.” What else could I say? I realized then, that the behaviors were so ingrained, that she was oblivious to them. I rememembered being unaware of my own behaviors and their impact as a younger person. They weren’t the same behaviors, but I did act a fool, then wonder why nobody wanted to deal with me. I went on to reiterate the importance of the crisis cycle, and awareness of the status of oneself, and other’s around you. Interrupting the crisis cycle early on greatly improves ability to communicate effectively, and prevents unecessary conflict. I’ve understood this intellectually for many years, but only recently learned to put it into practice.