Day 6

Day 6:
I didn’t go to many groups because various people were taking me into the meeting room to ask questions and stuff. First it was the financial counsellor. I was way over emotional and cried off and on all day, so I cried when she
Introduced herself. So silly. She asked me about my finances. I dried it up and answered the questions. I was so worried about a big hospital bill. I should have known it wouldn’t cost anything , because they waived the charges for my cholesystectomy, and that was when I had a good job and insurance. She helped me apply for Medicaid for both my husband and Me. ¬†The kids already had it. Now we all have Kancare and it is such a relief! A social worker talked with me about my supports at home. I told her I have my husband and kids for emotional support, and
I own my home and vehicles (thank God). I’m just really worried about income, and what will happen when my savings run out. We talked about disability, and that the hospitalization would help my case. I met the Dr., who seemed really gung-ho on keeping me there for a while.ūüėě He had an APRN with him. When discussing my medication, they questioned the wisdom of combining the gabapentin with lamotrigine, as they serve similar functions. He started me on seroquel for sleep. That evening, I was sitting in the day room with my roommate, Tweak, and some dude I didn’t know. Tweak was again regaling us with tales of meth manufacture. The guy I didn’t know started asking questions about the science behind the various methods of manufacture. I couldn’t help it. I joined in on the inquest, and we all had a good laugh. I took my seroquel that night. It had no effect.



Above is my empathy quotient. ¬†The last neuropsychologist I saw believed I was not on the spectrum because I am capable of empathy. ¬†I suggested to him that perhaps it wasn’t an issue with feeling empathy, so much as expressing it. ¬†Then I asked, “If you don’t feel empathy, doesn’t that just make you a sociopath?” ¬†He said that sociopaths choose not to empathize, and Autists simply can’t empathize. ¬†That was very confusing to me.

I feel that he was close to getting it, but didn’t quite. ¬†I can only speak for myself and my observations. ¬†I know I am an empath. ¬†As a younger person, I came off as not really caring about anyone else, but was often described as “sensitive”. ¬†Seems a bit oxymoronic. ¬†I think I had my own feelings, and everyone else’s feelings being received, but wasn’t really able to process it all, so I withdrew. ¬†I believe that part of Autism is being a conduit. ¬†How you learn to process is heavily influenced by environment.



Parent Teacher Conferences and the manstrual cycle

These are two unrelated topics, but it’s what’s going on, so here goes:

Parent teacher conferences were last week. ¬†My eldest has struggled a great deal with curriculum over the years, mostly due to focus issues and difficulty with writing. ¬†I was pleased to learn that he’s staying on track, and earning A’s and B’s. ¬†My youngest, age 5, had the test administrator stop his reading eval- at the fourth grade level. ¬†Why stop?! ¬†Anyway, we are very proud.

What is the deal with the manstrual cycle? ¬†Aspiehubby becomes very over sensitive and temperamental for about a week each month. ¬†Chocolate cravings, too. ¬†The whole works. ¬†Funny thing is, ¬†we don’t even flow together like proper homegirls. ¬†His cycle runs one week behind mine. ¬†If any readers have experience with manses, I would love to learn about your experiences.


Coming out of the attic: Diagnostic fail

So, this is where I am with my diagnostic process:

I went to see a neuropsychologist who has experience with adult diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. During the interview, I did my best to stay focused & answer the questions without getting to broad or tangential. ¬†I explained why I believe this is an appropriate diagnosis, going through each criteria, and citing specific examples of each behavior. ¬†Then I showed him the results of my pre-screening diagnostic tools. ¬†After the interview, he said that it would not be beneficial to pursue this diagnostic process, as it is cost prohibitive. ¬†He also said that he did not think it was ASD because I’m capable of empathy. ¬†Not sure I agree about that, but I’m certainly in agreement that going into debt is counter-productive. ¬†I guess I just have to accept that diagnosis is not in the cards for me.

so many more questions than answers: Do I belong in this community that I have found so much understanding and support among? ¬†How do I contextually frame my childhood now that I’m back to square one? ¬†Is it too late for me to get the fair shake in the educational system I didn’t get the first time? ¬†Will my kids get a fair shake? ¬†Will anyone ever take me seriously? ¬†Do I have a destiny to fulfill, or am I fooling myself? ¬†I hope some of the amazing women who have been communicating with me through WP have some good advice!